brett j. doar

"the world's most perfectly developed man."

born in 1923 to a Louisiana Sharecropper and Voodoo High-priestess, Brett J. Doar left home at the tender age of 16 to ride the rails. Possessed of a lifelong disdain for “Book-Larnin’”, he preferred to get his education from the Highways and Byways of America. After a particularly nasty crowning with a barstool during a brawl in a Coer D'alene tavern, the ghost of William T. Sherman came to him in a vision, and taught him the fitness techniques that would later transform him into

THE WORLD'S MOST PERFECTLY DEVELOPED MAN.

After winning a 1916 Buick LeSabre in a poker game, Mr. Doar made his way to Alaska where he worked first as a lumberjack, and then as a fisherman, eventually helming his own fishing boat. In the Bering Sea his ship was captured by Thai pirates who killed his crew but kept him alive in a misguided ransom scheme.
For six years, Mr. Doar languished in an island prison where his only outside contact was with a monkey who frequented his cell window. He learned to communicate with the monkey, and eventually hatched a plan with him to escape. Once free, Mr. Doar relied on his superior leadership skills as

THE WORLD'S MOST PERFECTLY DEVELOPED MAN

to unify the other oppressed monkeys on the island against the hated Pirates. Under cover of a moonless night, an army of 6000 primates descended upon the ruthless, bloodthirsty Pirates, catching them by complete surprise and overwhelming them. Mr. Doar then organized the Monkeys into a crack fighting team, reclaimed his fishing boat as well as the Thai Pirates’ state of the art, High-Speed Interceptor, and for the next ten years patrolled the Indian Ocean, fighting crime with his ragtag Monkey fighting unit.
Having amassed a great fortune from tributes paid by the rescued, Mr. Doar eventually retired from fighting crime, and moved back to the family farm in Louisiana, only to find his parents murdered by a cajun warlord! He assembled his Monkey brigade for one last stand and liberated the bayou from the clutches of the warlord. In gratitude for his liberation of the Bayou, Mr. Doar was elected President of the Great Cajun Nation of Israel, a post which he holds to this day, enjoying the love and admiration of Cajun People and Monkeys everywhere.