bjd_recipes



volcanos are like big bubbling pots, sometimes overflowing and covering the villagers and jungle creatures with lots of goopy stuff that burns off their skin, leaving them steamy piles of charred calcium. here at King Volcano World Industries, we figure that if your skin is gonna be burned off by something, it might as well taste good, or you might as well try to make it taste good. so here's some stuff that we've tried, and we invite you to try it too. King Volcano World Industries assumes no liability for any injuries or gastrointestinal disorders that may result from any attempts to replicate the following culinary combinations. you're on your own, skippy.

"JUST LIKE LAVA!" spaghetti sauce Ingredients: 1 can (6 oz) of tomato paste. 1 handful of kalamata olives 1 container fresh mushrooms 1 medium sized red onion 2 large cloves of garlic olive oil 1 large lemon a couple of plum tomatoes spices: oregano cayenne pepper basil I don’t know, what do you like? Take a relatively large, deep skillet. Heat that baby up. Prime it with the olive oil. Smash the garlic with a wooden spoon, get it nice and pulpy. When the pan’s nice and hot, throw in the garlic. When it gets all brown, throw in 2 tomato paste cans-worth of water. Then throw in the tomato paste. Mix it up, til it’s all mingled. Chop the tomatoes, half the onion, and about half the pack of mushrooms. Throw it in! Juice the lemon, throw it in! Add the spices, and about 2 tablespoons of sugar, and simmer for a long long time. Add water if it gets too muddy. When you can’t stand it anymore, put it over noodles and top it off with some nice feta cheese.

"HEPHAISTOS' FAVORITE" hommous ingredients: 1 can chick peas. 1 large lemon extra virgin olive oil 3 cloves garlic cayenne pepper black pepper tahini (optional) drain the chick peas, put 'em in a pretty big bowl. juce the lemon. pour it in, including the pulp. pour in some olive oil, not a little, not a lot. smash the garlic with a wooden spoon, til it's just like a paste. squeegee it into the rest of the stuff. If you like tahini, pour some in there: a little goes a long way. it's not necessary though. throw in the spices. with a potato masher, mash the crap out of all that stuff. it's ok to make it lumpy, but if you want it really smooth, put it in a blender. if you use a blender you're gonna need more olive oil. Serve on crackers or with a crudite. Ahh, voulez vous, you spik ze french monsieur? Tres bon!

"POMPEII PUPPY" tuna salad. this is a variation on the "HEPHAISTOS' FAVORITE" theme. ingredients: 1 can chick peas 1 can albacore tuna a handful of pitted, sliced kalamata olives 1 large lemon one half onion, chopped one half tomato, diced sliced cucumber tahini olive oil red wine vinegar 3 cloves of garlic a handful of raisins. combine all the ingredients (take the chick peas and the tuna out of the can, smash the garlic and juice the lemon. duuh). mix it up. garnish with the sliced cucumber and serve on a bed of lettuce. there's your freakin' salad.

"MUD OF ST. HELENS" salad dressing ingredients: tahini 2 large lemons 3 cloves garlic olive oil red wine vinegar smash the garlic. juice the lemons. put it in a 1 pint container. pour some tahini on it. add some olive oil, and whisk it together. it's gonna get really thick: that's when you add the vinegar, to thin it out. thin it till you get the kind of consistency you like. you might also want to add a small amount of really finely crumbled feta cheese, to add to texture. NOW POUR IT ON A SALAD, PUNK!